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My appointment was scheduled for the following week. An hour beforehand, I hit the internet and read over a list of ADHD symptoms as if I were studying for a quiz.I planned to emphasize organizational issues, forgetfulness, and impulsivity. Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised it was so easy.Within a week, however, the prescribed 10-milligram dose no longer gave me a romantic high.I decided to take 20 milligrams each morning instead, then upped myself to 20 milligrams twice a day. ") yield comforting results: I am (probably) just having a panic attack. While I am pretty sure death awaits me, extensive Google searches ("80 mg Adderall"; "heart racing"; "am I dying?I said I was stressed about the SATs, and she handed it over without blinking. But after about 2 1/2 hours, the sense of invincibility started to evaporate, the focus, dissipate. During my freshman and sophomore years of college, I took a bus from Boston to New York City twice a semester to stock up for midterms and finals.An acquaintance from high school charged a pill.

By junior year, classes got more intense, as did the pressure to think about my career.

"If more patients were aware of the risks of prescription stimulants, including the risk of addiction, there would be a lot more hesitancy around taking them." My awareness was about to be raised.

At first, having Adderall on demand did everything I'd hoped.

, I tell myself, exhaling sharply to make myself laugh. It's 5 a.m., and I am sitting on the floor of my college bedroom, staring at the mirror and talking to my reflection. That's when I became addicted to Adderall, the amphetamine-based stimulant prescribed for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Bouts of panic like this punctuated my junior year of college.

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